* Disclaimer: I have no other ill intention in writing this entry. To me, the blog is the only channel where I can continue to express my feeling for you. When I blog, I didn’t expect you to view it, all I want to do is to express how I am feeling. Now, I just want to bottle out everything that have been kept inside my heart for a period of time. I wouldn’t expect you to read but if you do and you feel disgusted, kindly just click on the close window button.
Remember how everything started??
Perhaps we were lucky, if without YY, I wouldn’t know you. We first met at YY’s birthday chalet and all of us spend the whole night interacting. Thru all those interactions, slowly, I was kind of attracted to you and decided to know you more. However, eventually, you chose another guy, I wouldn’t blame you for decision as he is a nice person. I was just a shy, quiet, low-confident and boring person.
Remember the Diamond shaped theory I told you before ? Perhaps, luck strikes again. You texted me asking me out for a bite cause you were at SGH but I was in camp. However, we managed to arrange to meet up on another day. On that day, I planned to go Escape theme park but the weather wasn’t on my side, so I suggested Prawning and to my horror when we reached, the place closed down. In the end, we decided to go town to get our Christmas exchange gift and we ended the day in the evening. Initially, I thought i don’t have any hope cause there wasn’t much interact.
My luck seems to change on the christmas eve. YY, Willie and you came to my place earlier to prepare the food for the dinner. I didn’t know how to strike a conversation with you so all I did is to look at you at a side and teased you. After which, I returned to my room and suddenly, I heard that you cut your one of your finger. Quickly, I took out the first aid kit but the antiseptic cream had finished. Panicking, I rushed down to get a new one and I was honoured as I was given the chance to clean your wound, apply the cream and wrap a paster on your dinner.
One of the happiness moments in my life is having you as my date for my social night. I was overjoyed when you agreed to my request. I bought flowers for you and picked you up from home. We enjoyed the dinner and watched AVP 2 after dinner. It was a wonderful night.
After social night, on the eve of 2008, I asked you out to watch fireworks and my resolution for 2009 is able to watch the new year fireworks with you once again. After which, we joined the rest for Prawning at Bishan.
On 10th Jan 2008(fri), I was carrying a nervous yet excited feeling when I fetched YY,KH and you to ECP. It was one of the greatest moments in my life. Everything was prepared and planned carefully, YY;s job was to distract you while KH and I have to sufficient time to prepare a surprise for you. My plan was to use tea candle to form ” Can You Be My Girl” on the beach, it wasn’t easy as it was windy. When everything was done, YY brought you to the spot and there was kind of awkward silent. I don’t how you feel during that very moment. We remained silent for a few minutes until I finally took of my gut and asked you to be my girlfriend. You agreed and this is how we started.
Every now and then, when I drive past ECP, memories seem to be my most precious possession to me as they bring me joy as I remember things from the past that make me happy.
1st month
Feb(1st month): We decided to have our 1st month and Valentine’s day celebration together. I made a reservation at My Secret Garden but that day, I got duty and I ended late. In the end, we ended up at PS cafe and Dempsey. We exchange our gift, you gave me a photo frame with our picture and a self-made card while I gave you a jar full of sweets as you seems to like sweets. Beside that, We also celebrated CNY together, visited each other house, bought BBQ Pork for each other and I followed your family to your relative’s place at CCK too.
2nd month
Mar(2nd): If my memories serve me right, I got a Blue Lacoste Polo Tee from you and I got you a pink nail polish cause I wanna help you to overcome your hate for Pink but I failed.
3rd month
Apr(3rd): You wanted to give me a Hagen Daz treat to celebrate our 3rd month. I remembered that I wore a yellow Polo Tee and you followed suit. Maybe that time I don’t how fortunate it is to wear same top together. Did I gave you a Gucci Envy Me perfume on the 3rd month? I remembered on this month, I had to go OBS and you had to take your driving test and we’ll miss our 100th day cause I’ll be in Palau Ubin. In addition, days before I left, I did a college for you, bought you a Car Provision sign, wrote a letter for you and I leave it with Wan Ting to give you a surprise. On the other hand, you wrote many letters for me to be read on certain date indicated and gave me a bear that has a recorder which goes: ” Surprise! Happy 3rd month to you. Please take care of yourself and drink more water. Miss you and Love you ok” Unfortunately, before leaving for Ubin, I injured myself when I was taking my IPPT and got stitches on my right left and the wound didn’t recover in time and I was send back after the 1st day. Maybe, it was a blessing in disguise as we were able to celebrate our 3rd month and 100th days together. I remembered that Alvin and Wan Ting said that I was sweet cause I did so much for you. I was happy and I want to make you feel loved.
My birthday
May(4th): It was the best month in the year 2008. Firstly, I was commissioned in this month. You attended the parade with my parents and my squad mate gave up one of his seats for the commission dinner as such you were able to attend the dinner as well. Secondly, its my 22nd birthday. I was glad that I have you to celebrate my birthday and on the actual day, you planned a surprise for me. I enjoyed myself. Lastly, it was a moment that you did that touched me. I went Bangkok with my friends and when I came back, I saw my friends’s love one and their family members waiting at the arrival hall to welcome them back. Initially, I felt jealous and envy. Suddenly, I saw you together with my parents waiting at the corner. At the very moment, I was lost of words and really happy to see you. I appreciate that you made an effort to come down and I’ll never forget the feeling.
Genting
June(5th): We went Genting together with your family. It was a new experience for me as I have never been to oversea trip together with my girlfriend and her parents. We enjoyed ourselves eating, playing with rides, shopping and many more. We did facial mask together too.
Bangkok
July(6th): It was our 6th month anniversary. We exchange our gift at the Hort Park. I remembered that I gave you a necklace and a tee-shirt. In return, you drew a picture of us and gave me a tee too. Besides, we went Bangkok together too. Initially, I was worried about your safety cause you are going with another girl that why I chose to tag along. Maybe I was over protective that why I wanted to go along. Thinking back now, I think that I shouldn’t have went in the first place cause I spoilt the trip. Sorry !
Wan Ting birthday surprise
Aug(7th): The most significant event I can remember is that we gave Wan Ting a birthday surprise. We bought all the ingredients and went to her house and surprised her. Zhe Loon and I played with fake mustaches. It was fun.
Sept(8th): I bet that for the rest of my life, it will always remain as a nightmare to me. I’ll never forgive myself for being so stupid, native, foolish, dumb and impulsive. I really regretted my idiotic action, life seem then had changed. I’ll never be able to live my head up again and gradually, it became a fear. It affected my whole life and now I’m paying the price of it. I was demoted to Vigilante Corp. It is as good as saying that I used to be a manger but now I have demoted to a cleaner in the office. It has a record in my NS record and with the strained record, I can never work in government sector. Last year, I was afraid to face it and I went to Hong Kong so that I wouldn’t be around during the incident period. I’m not blaming, its my own mistake.
Your 21st
Oct(9th): Another exciting month for me cause you celebrated your 21st birthday. We had a hard time looking for venue and thinking of what to do. I was glad that I am part of your 21st birthday celebration. I felt happy for you and glad that you enjoyed yourself. Another memorable event.
YY's birthday
Nov(10th): I can only remember YY’s bday at CCK. Both of us wore black top and wore red horns to attend the party. I remembered that we enjoyed, chatting with friends and taking photos.
Christmas
Dec(11th): We celebrated Christmas together again at Wan Ting’s place. We had steamboat and we played Monopoly. I know that we didn’t enjoyed our last day of 2008. I know that you wanted to go somewhere else but you didn’t want to disappoint me as I wish to watch the New Year fireworks with you. I remembered that I spoilt the day.
1st year
Jan(12th): At the start of the r/s, I had been waiting for the arrival of this month which is our 1st year. We had dinner at a Japanese restaurant and after which, we chill out at bar at Labrador park. I remembered that I made you a photo album and you gave me a scrap book. I recalled you telling me that it was your first time doing such thing for a guy and when I heard it, I felt good. I was very happy that day and I thought that we will have more coming in the future. On top of that, we celebrated CNY again. On the eve of the CNY, I went to the chinatown performance venue with your family. As usual, we visited each other parents and I went to your relative’s place again.
Feb(13th): We celebrate our Valentine day together again and this venue was decided by you. I made you chocolate and you were caught of the surprise as initially we agreed not to get gift for each other. Therefore, you decided to get me a Fred Perry Polo Tee.
Gavin's birthday
March( 14th): It marks the end of our r/s. Everyday was like a roller coaster ride, sometime we are happy some time we aint. I admit that it was my fault for feeling insecure and not trusting you.I could done better. I remembered that on the 11th, after my class, I rushed down to your place and surprise you by popping with a cake like what I did previously but the feeling was totally different. We managed to hang on for a few days after we celebrated out 14th month. Gavin’s birthday was the our last appearance as a couple . On 31st march, the final blow came when you decided to end the r/s. Till now, it was like a nightmare, at night, I cant sleep well and usually I sleep at wee hours or wait till when I’m tired then I turn into bed.
It has been a tough 6 months for me, I cant let go of it and I hate myself for ruin everything. When we were together, I was a terrible boyfriend. I promise you that I make you happy but I failed. Instead, I threw temper at you and being unreasonable. As a result, you were scare of me and it gave you fear and phobia. I never learnt my way when we were still together. Maybe humans will only learnt by the hard way. You were not with me on my 23rd. I wasn’t with you on your 22nd. We didn’t celebrate Christmas and New Year together like we used to do.
After we broke up, I woke up and realized that things don’t always work out the way I want. I always complain about you not being initiative and never show affection but actually you do but maybe I took it granted. If only I can realise that at least you didn’t something better than not doing anything. I told you that you can slowly changed but instead of helping you, I pressurized you. Now, I feel that my temper has improved and learnt to be patience too. The 2 tops and the perfume you gave me are the only memories I have now. In the past, I never know how fortunate I am, you care for me and you love me. Besides, recently, I tried to make an appointment with NSC and I got to call several times to get my call answered and I have to wait 2 months for my appointment. Last time I can get it done easily.
I miss those days where I walked Jasper together. While walking Jasper,we will hold hands and chit chat. I miss teasing you(remember poo poo?) and fooling around with you. I miss those days where you will join my family for dinner. I miss those day when I join your family for breakfast. I miss those days where you will wait for me to finish soccer. I miss taking train back home with you. I miss Monday when I will wait for you to finish your evening clinic. I miss chatting with you on the phone every night. I miss replying and waiting for your smses. I miss the feeling of holding your hands and hugging you in my arms. I MISS YOUR PRESENCE !! I miss you.
I envy that Wan Ting and Alvin are able to maintain a long relationship. I envy Hwe Ling and Travis as they are very lovely. I envy Xue Li and Freddy that they are able to get back together again and again. I envy MK and TCP being able to maintain a good relationship with their common friends. I envy my brother’s gf and him when they at home. I envy all the couples for being to have their love one with them.
As life goes on changes happen a lot, some changes I don’t want to happen but it occurred and I have no control over. Its my loss to lose you. You have the qualities that I admire a lot. I like you for being patience with me. I like you for your care, concern and love. I like you being able house chores without any complain. I like you as you are big spender and willing to share cost with me. I like you for easy going and willing to accept my suggestion. I like you as you know how to dress. I like you as you has a strong character. I like you for being independent as you pay for your own living expenses and your studies as well. I like you cause you don’t mind holding my hands despite I have sweaty palms. I like you cause you don’t mind that I snore when I sleep. I like you for who you are and I wouldn’t ask for changes anymore.
Your family
I’m sad to know about your dad’s incident. I do hope that he is getting better. I pray that your parents will have a good health, your brother have a smooth patth in his career and stay lovely with his girlfriend. I still miss Jasper a lot, I hope he wouldn’t forget me. As you for, I hope that you can take good care of your health(promise me that can cause I wouldn’t be around to look after you anymore) , remember to eat something pls, drink water and have enough rest. Have a smooth path in your work too and all the best for your studies. All the best for your exam ! May you be with your love one soon. I’m sure that he will be fortunate guy. Hope that both of you will love each other and stay together for a long period. Make sure that he treats you good and don’t get a guy like me. All the best to you !
I dint give you any happiness when we were together but I hope that you will accept my blessing. I think that all I can think off. After today, I wouldn’t disturb your life anymore, I wouldn’t ask you out on my birthday nor ask you out to watch fireworks. You wouldn’t hear anything from me anymore.
It maybe sounds contradicting, just want let you know that I will always be there for you, if at any time you need help, I will definitely help you. Ok. That’s all. Take care my love ! Bye ! I still love you ! Happy 2nd year anniversary.
Jason Yong
Our first photo
Our last photo
